So Much Avatar

Rating: T

Amon/Lieutenant

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                To him, I am ‘Lieutenant.’ Even in the dark when I blindly trace the lines of his body with my hands and lips, when he twines his fingers in my hair and pulls me closer, what he moans is not a name, but a title. It has been this way for years. I cannot remember how long ago it was that I stopped attempting to correct him. Nothing changed as we grew from mere acquaintances to lovers. The way he addressed me changed until I reached this position, but it was never once my name. I sometimes think that he means it to be a compliment. His lieutenant. His second-in-command. His right hand man. He hasn’t taken my name from me, he has just changed my identity to irrevocably tie me to him.

                Of course, I don’t even know who he is. Amon. Nameless. A description of this man, who has sacrificed his sense of self to become the spearhead of the force that will revolutionize the world. But not a name. I will not deny that it a point of pride to sacrifice my identity as this man has done. I make every effort to live up to the example that he has set. What we strive for is greater than the individuality of one or two men. For the sake of this duty, we are lovers without names.

                I must focus on the present. We cannot afford to fail now. But when I doze in his arms in the evenings I cannot help dreaming of a future. Someday we will be able to put this all behind us, to discard the roles we fill and simply live as nothing more than two men. Without a force to command, what need is there for a lieutenant? Without a revolution, the world needs no nameless man to lead. I will learn the name of his childhood, the name he put behind him to guide the world to equality. I know it will be something beautiful, as beautiful as he is to me. When he tells me I’ll roll it around on my tongue, savoring the taste of it, exploring this new side of the man I’ve known for so long. I barely dare to hope that one day he will give me the gift of a face to match that name. One day I’ll be able to touch his cheek with gentle fingers and whisper his name across the pillows at night and hear my own name come floating softly back.